Obedient by nature, or by conditioning?

When I was about 5 or 6 years old, I had a friend in school named Kaylee. She used to say "Oh my God" in response to anything surprising, and I remember being shocked when I learned at some point that she didn't actually believe in God.

Well one day, my sister and I were playing in the living room, acting out some storyline I can't remember, when I exclaimed "Oh my God" and then pretended to faint. My mom happened to walk by at that moment, and was horrified by what had just passed my lips, and I received the only spanking I can truly remember (I know there were more, but I don't remember the reasons). 

Around that same age, one Sunday at church, my brother, sister and I were showing off to each other how we could bend our fingers, and hold them in certain positions. It's interesting because some people can't bend one joint while straightening another, or they can hold some fingers fully upright from the rest, while others can't. Well, I was showing off how upright I could hold my middle finger, and my mom saw me, and immediately whisked me away down to the women's bathroom, took out a bar of soap, and told me to take a bite. I had to hold it in my mouth while she told me never to do that again, and then I don't remember if I cried through the rest of the service (I probably couldn't help myself), but I remember being so confused because I had no idea that what I had done was "bad", and furthermore, I'm pretty sure my siblings had tried the same thing, but Mom didn't see them.

Much later, when I was 17, I had just received my driver's license, and I mean JUST. It was my very first time driving by myself, and I was on my way home. I came to a part of the road where many people would stop to wait for oncoming traffic before turning left. The common practice was to go around these cars on the right - something literally everyone did, including my parents and siblings (incidentally, the road is now marked for this purpose). A cop saw me do it, and immediately pulled me over. When he asked me if I knew what I did wrong, I said "I forgot to signal when I went around the car back there?" Not realizing that "passing on the right" was against the law...although I probably should have known that, just as speeding is against the law, yet everyone does it.

I got off with a warning, because he was nice and he knew my brothers. Yay for small towns. Haven't been pulled over since...(knock on wood)

Just a few personal stories I always think about when I find myself wondering why I'm not more rebellious. None of these things were me intentionally doing wrong, but I was still punished for them, and they had a profound effect on me, as someone who is terrified of breaking rules and disappointing people. These are the stories that popped in my head when I was reflecting on the fact that I'm a rule follower, and I try not to make waves. 

What would happen if I intentionally tried to make trouble?

Good trouble?

2026

I'm really struggling to keep my head above the quagmire of fear and anger that this current administration clearly wants to keep us in. I'm vacillating between anger, confusion (how can we all see the same thing and come to such different conclusions?), disgust, sadness, and attempting to zoom out and look at things through the lens of compassion, which is increasingly hard to do.
I'm not one to believe in conspiracy theories, but it doesn't sound very far-fetched that the president is looking for any excuse to exert excessive force on those who don't agree, those who criticize what is happening in this country, and those who are actively trying to hold him and his administration accountable when they break the law and violate our constitutional rights, all in the name of national security. And if they have to blatantly lie about things we can clearly see with our own eyes, so be it. Those who take them at their word and don't bother looking for the facts staring them in the face will believe what they believe, and there's nothing we can do about it.
I've never felt so compelled to go out and protest before, and while I know I'm not alone, I feel incredibly alone. Nobody in my sphere is actually talking about this in person. I want to ask my conservative friends and family if THIS is what they voted for, and if it is, I want to ask them what they think Jesus would say and do if he were here among us. A certain conservative commentator mocked Renee Good, saying she gave her life for people - I can't find the exact quote, but basically - who were not worth giving ones life for. I think Jesus would disagree.
To those people who think protestors should just comply with anything ICE commands, even when they haven't broken any laws...is that what the people who hid Jewish families during the holocaust should have done, to save themselves? I genuinely want to know: in what situation do you think it's justified for the state to execute citizens? In case you've forgotten - this is precisely why we have a 2nd amendment. But apparently for some people, having to wear a mask to the grocery store during a pandemic is far more threatening to their sense of liberty than "law enforcement" goons killing U.S. citizens on the streets.
This is exhausting.

W.W.J.D.?

RADICAL LOVE.
RADICAL EMPATHY.
LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.